Great Expectations

"Cherish your children for what they are, not for what you'd like them to be." unknown

As I was paying for my gas at the Kum & Go the other day, the clerk noticed that I was wearing my name badge from work. She catches her co-worker's eye and says, "Look, this is an "Infant-Toddler Specialist". The co-worker raises her eyebrows and says "Boy, I need one, I have a three year old that is a demon." So I went into my spiel about how 3 is a hard age because it's the transition from being a baby to being a kid and it's hard for the child to know from moment to moment which one he wants to be. She nodded in agreement and the proceeded to tell me what an angel her 6 yr.old is ;has always been and will always be and what a little hellion her 3 yr. old is and how she can't do anything with him. I told her that we get what we expect from kids and that she would do well to begin accentuating his positive qualitites or he'll would be out roaming the streets raising cain when he's 18. She admitted that he was doing better since he has been attending Headstart. And hopefully I started her thinking about how she talks about that child.

You know she probably tells lots of people what a "demon" he is and some of the time it is probably within the child's hearing. She might even say it to him directly. It doesn't take too many times of hearing us say it for a child to believe that what we say about them is the absolute truth. So soon Mikey "the little demon" is behaving like the best "little demon" he can be; reinforcing (proving) that you are indeed correct in your assessment that he is a "little demon". That's why it is soon important to never discuss a child's faults or bad behavior where they can hear you. Every young child has some good qualities; things that they are good at, even early evidence of future talents can be noticed. Be sure to let them know that you notice when they are kind, loving, helpful, cheerful, courteous, honest, any behavior or quality that you want to see more of and I guarantee that you will begin to see more of those qualities and less of that "demon" child.

Digging Holes and other Spring Activites

These ideas came to me in the "What Do You Do With the Mad that You Feel?" newsletter sent out by Family Communications Inc. You can use this link to sign up for the newsletter to be delivered to your inbox. http://www.fci.org/madfeelings/signup.asp . Also check out the article "What Else Can You Do?" It makes the point that kids aren't born with anger management skills. They need us to help them find alternatives to hitting and other aggressive anger responses.

Activity Ideas for Child Care
Digging a Hole From the Mad Feelings Activity Book Stage 3 Finding Release through Physical Outlets
Here’s a springtime outdoor activity that gives children a constructive, physical way to release their feelings.
Materials:
old spoons or plastic shovels
small metal shovels or garden tools
plastic containers or pails
Is there a place in the yard where the children could dig a hole? Or is there a park nearby with a sandbox? The children can use plastic shovels and metal spoons if the ground is loose, or they could use small metal hand tools and a small shovel to dig in earth that is hard. Many children may want to dig just for the fun of it, or the digging could have a purpose such as:
digging a garden in the spring or early summer;
pretending to dig for hidden treasure;
digging a home for a pretend animal.
If you’re comfortable with mud play (and if extra clothes are available), you could let them use water to mix with the earth to make mud pies or mud sculptures. You could point out that shoveling earth or digging in a sandbox or snow is one thing people could do when they feel angry…something that doesn’t hurt them or anyone else.
All Kinds of Exercise From the Mad Feelings Activity Book Stage 3 Finding Release through Physical Outlets
Just as some adults walk, jog, or swim to release their stress or anger through all kinds of exercise, this activity can help children find a physical way to release energy that can be caught up in angry feelings.
Materials
none
music (optional)
See if the children can tell you about ways they exercise. Can they pantomime how they:
ride a bike;
push a wagon;
run hard and fast;
climb;
throw or catch a ball?
Then you could do some exercises with the children:
stretch your hands and arms high in the air, stand on your toes and reach for the sky;
jump up and down on two feet;
hop on one foot;
Repeat each exercise three or four times. If you can go outdoors, you’ll have lots of fresh air and room to move. When you have to stay inside, try exercising to music. It can help to calm the children at the end of this activity if you give them slower movements to do as you’re finishing.
Sometimes physical exercise can make people feel better when they’re frustrated. See if the children can show you some exercises they could do at times like that.
©2009 Family Communications, Inc.